Time keeps on spinning, spinning, spinning

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity on this earth...

...a time to speak....
A year ago I was asked to do a workshop at WILD (Womens Institute for Leadership Development in sunny Myrtle Beach, SC. How could I resist? The sun! The sand! The pounding surf! The salty air! The beach is one of my favorite places. I said, "Yes! Sign me up!" The conference dates (October 16-18, 2009) have been circled on my calendar for months now.

One of the first persons I told about this trip was my BFF, Dee. I invited her to join me. We have been friends for 20+ years now & while we have done just about everything together (including big family vacations) we have never taken an entire weekend just.for.the.2.of.us. We have been so excited to spend this time together. In fact, we are flying down a day early, just to relax, hang out & have fun.

...a time to grieve ...
Two weeks ago Dee was diagnosed with Grade 3 Endometrial Cancer. This diagnosis has left us reeling. We are in shock, frightened & trying to process what this means. She is scheduled for a hysterectomy on November 3. The madness of all this is that she has never had children and wants nothing more than to be a mother. To say that I have cried a thousand tears could not possibly come close. And she has cried thousands more. I have lived in a state of constant prayer since she called me two weeks ago.

...a time to cry & a time to laugh...
I cannot help but feel that the timing of this trip has been orchestrated by God. I am hoping that our time together is peaceful, restful and that in the midst of our sadness, we will experience pockets of great joy. Some of my best memories in life have been spent with Dee. I am anticipating moments of deep laughter. In fact, the last road trip we took together, I laughed so much that I completely & totally lost my voice.

...a time to build up....
I am praying that throughout the weekend & the WILD worship services God will use this time to strengthen Dee's heart. That He will bless her socks off, giving her all that she needs in the days ahead. Having you join your prayers with mine would be most welcomed.


EDITED TO ADD POSTSCRIPT, Tuesday 10/13/09 11:05 AM
....A TIME TO REJOICE!!...... Dee just called me. The Doctor she went to at OSU for a 2nd opinion just called her. The pathologist at OSU diagnosed her cancer as GRADE ONE. To say we are rejoicing is the understatement of the year. God is so amazingly good. Her treatment will be much different (she'll have an MRI & be treated with medication, not a hysterectomy!!) We are so excited! So thankful! Much praise & rejoicing today!

Let the river flow

Last spring, my friend D.H. spoke with the Poppa about being baptized. It was her dream to be baptized in the Cranberry River. A place where she found much soul comfort & peace. It was where her family camped every summer and she loved being there. We tentatively made plans to join them on a camping trip and incorporate the baptism as part of our time together. However, summertime came & D. was not feeling well at all. She just couldn't shake her symptoms & as a breast cancer survivor, her doctors ordered several tests. The camping trip never materialized, although she spoke often of being baptized in this certain spot in the Cranberry River.

Early September, it was determined that the cancer was back. This time she was given a timeline. She bravely faced treatment with boldness. She was a fighter; her husband & two teenage children were in the battle with her. It was fierce. It was terrible. And it was heartbreaking.

In December, while Hospice plans were being made. Her husband tearfully asked Chris to baptize her. John remembered her dreams of being baptized in the Cranberry River and his voice cracked with emotion when he realized this was one of many dreams they had dreamed together that were not going to come true.

My amazing brother-in-law and sister-in-law made arrangements/drove the 2 hour drive to pick up a gallon jug filled with water from the Cranberry River. (I am in awe of their selfless spirits to do this. They truly gave over & beyond of themselves.)

I was in the hospital, standing on one side of her bed, her sweet husband on the other, when Chris opened the jug of water and lovingly sprinkled her forehead with the Cranberry River. It was a holy moment as he whispered, "In the name of the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit, I baptize you."

Her breathing was labored, her smile weak.
Just a few days later she woke up in the arms of Jesus.

~~~~~~~

Two weeks ago, her two teenage children stood before our church family & declared themselves followers of Christ. They gave testimony to their desire to follow Him. As part of this testimony, they wanted to share in believers baptism. And so, my husband brought them before our baptistry pool to signify their commitment.

But before they stepped into the pool, water from the same jug of Cranberry River water used in their mom's hospital room was mixed in.

And I cannot tell you how completely moving it was to hear the same words spoken over them, "In the name of the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit, I baptize you."

I was undone.
It all seem to swirl together, this life and the next. Life everlasting.
Joining with the church universal by giving witness to their new life in Christ by being washed in the water. The same water which also gave witness to their mother's commitment of following Jesus.

I witnessed their baptism while my arms were wrapped around my 4 year old son. And I prayed that just like my friend before me, my children would find relationship with the God I know & love. That this life will be joined by the next. Life everlasting.

Boundaries. I haz them.

Boundaries. I haz them.

Because I respect & care for the people in my life very much, I am making this post as general as possible. When the time comes for me to share more about the situations, I will do so.

Two people whom I love with every part of who I am are experiencing serious medical issues.
Just writing that sentence is making me cry.
I've cried alot the past few days.

I feel like I am entering another season of my life in which I will be wrestling with God to understand the solid truth of "it rains on the just & the unjust." It's a slipperly slope, trying to figure out the question, "Why does God allow certain things to happen?" If you haven't asked it before, I don't know how honest you are being with your faith.

I am not afraid to ask God questions, after all, I believe He has the answers.

The past three nights, rest has eluded me. Much tossing & turning.
Thinking. Praying. Worrying. Stressing.
This morning, I found comfort & peace in the promises of Isaiah 41:10:

Don't be afraid, for I am with you.

Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you & help you.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

And then I held as tight as I could to that hand all day long.

Love uses a kleenex.

Tonight around the dinner table, the Poppa pulled our Daily Family Bible Verse/Question card from the holder & read...

I Corinthians 13:5
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable.

Then he flipped the card over to ask the discussion question:

What does irritable mean?

To which the boy immediately replied "I know, I know, it means: Do not pick your nose!"

Me & my shadow.

As much as I love having a little boy, there is nothing that compares to having a little girl. She is truly heart of my heart. I adore her, she makes me laugh every day and stretches my heart in ways that I could never have imagined. I dream big dreams of her.

She follows me everywhere. And I mean everywhere.
If I'm in the kitchen, she's at the counter "helping" do dishes. If I'm in the laundry, she's jabbering away while folding (scrunching) clothes up. If I'm watching Judge Judy (a guilty pleasure) she's sitting there beside me laughing it up. When I put on makeup, she's got a set of brushes and some powder she likes to swirl on.

She's such a paradox. She's really, really loving. Very motherly. 90% of the time she's dragging a baby doll along with her. Her favorite person to take care of? Bubby. She makes sure he has milk to drink, snacks to eat, toys to play with. (She also is the first to whack him upside the head if the mood strikes, but then she soothes him, saying, "Sorry Bubby. Sorry Bubby. You ok?" over and over.)

I am so aware of my influence in her life. By the very way I am living my life I am teaching her BIG, BIG lessons. She will love her husband the way I love the Poppa. She will love herself the way I love myself. Silently, without saying a word, I am the one she will compare all things female to.

The power of this relationship scares me at times. I feel inadequate. Unprepared. There is so much of my life I need to repair, to fix, to correct. I cannot lead her in the way she should go. Many nights I fall into bed knowing that I have failed. I have not imparted wisdom. Tears fall from my eyes and I do the only thing I know to do in those moments.

I pray.
I pray very, very hard.

And if somehow, someway I can pass that one nugget of truth along to her........that in her moments of weakness & failure, there is a God who loves us beyond all human understanding........then I will have considered my parenting skills to be complete.

T.G.I.F.

Whew. I'm glad to mark this week off the calendar.
Some highlights in no particular order include:
....a large leak found under the shower in our bathroom, MAJOR $$$ & repair time needed...
....a notice informing me I had paid our house payment late (first time ever)...
....stood in the "express" 'lane for about 25 minutes...
....bombarded by interpersonal conflict with persons I really love & care about.....
....the dog pooped in the bathroom (three times).....
....went out with the 2 year old and did not have a pull up or wipes (will NOT elaborate)...
....was given the wrong bag of food at the drive through line...
....my kids seem to have a serious case of the grumblebees.....
....am finishing up a round of antibiotics because of an infection in my body....
....visited the Walmarts 3 times in 2 days & still forgot detergent....
....dropped a cup of hot coffee all over my shirt....
....killed a HUGE nasty spider in our basement....
....got stuck in a major traffic jam on the interstate on my way to work....

Often, it's the little things that rob our joy. This week it's been easy to see how much more grace I need in my life. It's doubtful that my FRUIT would have been very tastey in the above mentioned moments.

"Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards,

our vineyards that are in bloom."

Song of Solomon 2:15

Perspective

Yesterday afternoon, I was renewed.

The weather was perfect.
A warm breeze was blowing.
And the sky so blue it took my breath away.

I looked up at the puffy, clean, white clouds and lost all track of where I was going and what needed to be done. I was still for a few minutes and allowed the beauty of the world around draw me in. Closing my eyes, I listened to the birds singing and drew in deep, cleansing gulps of fresh air.

And then I bowed my head in amazement to think that the God who painted the skyline with such magnificent, galloping clouds also formed every part of me that makes me Me.

He is such a good, good, GOOD God.
I just don't say that enough.