An ugly truth at Christmas.

We do much work to make the nativity scene look so pretty this season.
Lovely figurines, decorative stables, persons arranged just-so. 

The reality is that birth of baby Jesus was dirty & smelly.  In the worst possible circumstances.  Crowded Bethlehem would have meant crowded barns.  More animals than normal squeezed into the stalls.

Beautiful, lovely, holy Jesus' birth took place among the animal dung.   
Perhaps this is why I find myself so broken this Advent Season.
Beautiful, lovely, holy Jesus wants to live in the dirty, broken places of my life.

So much of my life is hidden away. Sure, I arrange all the pieces so artfully here in this place.  Sharing the happy, decorating this blog with snippets of things that are good.

The reality is that I struggle with broken relationships. I nurse old wounds.  I am impatient.
I gossip. I am judgemental & critical. My life is full of dung.

Emmanuel. God with us.
As the birth of baby Jesus transformed a barn into a place of beauty;
Please, transform my heart too.

Chaos.

Traditionally, we put up our christmas tree the Saturday before Thanksgiving. We travel during the turkey day festivities, arriving home exhausted and it's always been fun to have a head start on the Advent holiday events.

This Saturday the Poppa has a big-all-day event at our church, so we decided we'd decorate a little bit each evening.

Fan-freaking-tastic idea!!
Unless you have a 4 year old and a 2 year who LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE having boxes and boxes and crates and crates piled full of christmasy glarp spread all over the living room & kitchen.

Every strand of lights has been properly oooohed and ahhed. The nativity cradled x 1000. And the annoying Christmas bear who tells the ENTIRE Dickens Christmas tale when you push his hand has been properly decapitated (thank you POPPA. I love you forever & ever.)

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
(Just about the every strand light part. Everything else is true.)

Tonight after four christmas bulbs were smashed into smithereens, handfuls fake pine needles strewn like confetti across the floor and at least two momma melt downs, I am sitting here observing the mess that is in my living room.

And my heart so full with love that it is about to beat out of my chest.

Six years ago the Poppa & I quietly put up our christmas tree.
In a silent house. With silent, empty hearts.
My house was clean, organized and controlled.
The ornament boxes stacked nice & neat.
But my heart was shattered. I wanted a baby so badly.

As I wipe away my tears of thanksgiving, I survey the mess made by my kids as they have pandered through the ornaments, stockings and tinsel. I reach over & pick up the tiny figurine of the babe in the manager.

And I bow my head to worship.

Kingdom come.

Today I am missing my friend Rod.

While I now live in this world of winter, my heart is hungry for the time of eternal summer.

Pause.

Life is a little less sweet. Death is a little less bitter." -- Amish Proverb

Monday morning I got the news that a really good friend of mine from college passed away. She had been very sick (complications from H1N1) for a short time and I had been praying fervently for a miracle for her life.

She & her husband were wonderful people. My life is richer by having them as part of it. They have a beautiful 6 year autistic son.

I am able to read her obituary online. But the tears keep making the screen blurry.
I fumble around with my words as I attempt to let her husband know I am praying.

I found myself squeezing MY husband a little tighter last night.
Stopping to breathe in his goodbye embrace this morning.
Committing once again to live, really LIVE fully in this moment.
THIS very day we have together.
A life lesson that God is continually teaching me.

Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties.

After all, everyone dies—

so the living should take this to heart.

Sorrow is better than laughter,

for sadness has a refining influence on us.

A wise person thinks a lot about death,

while a fool thinks only about having a good time.

Ecclesiastes 7:2-4

All of that & a bag of chips too!

Every day on my way to work, I pass a church that is doing fantastic things in our community.  I am impressed by their "out-of-the-box" thinking and their vision/plans for a community center complex is amazing.  They are in phase 1 of a building project that will eventually include a children's play area, two full soccer fields, a baseball field, several walking trails and picnic shelters in addition to their church buildings. I admire their vision very much. 

That being said, they are currently advertising for a FALL FEST at their church.  There are two signs on the road with details about the event ... date, time, location, etc. .... that I see each morning.  Part of the advertisement includes "POTATOE SALAD" as what they are offering in terms of food that day.  For various reasons, that phrase made me chuckle just a little bit when I first saw it.  I mean, come on', is potatoe salad a draw?  Who attends or doesn't attend because they are serving potatoe salad? Is potatoe salad that seductive? So as I drive by, I smile a little bit, shake my head and go on ...

Until I started thinking about it ... 
What good is a picnic without potatoe salad?
A tastey serving of potatoe salad compliments a hot dog meal perfectly.  When you eat potatoe salad, you know if it is a good potatoe salad vs. a bad potatoe salad don't you?  Take a bite of some potatoe salad that is sour or not seasoned properly and it ruins the whole meal.

There are several areas in my life that I really need to just be a good potatoe salad. 

A committee I serve on....  a team project at work...... holiday plans for my extended family.
I don't need to be the star,( i.e. the main course..... ) I just need to be willing to work beside those who are in charge.  How much smoother would things happen if I make the choice to be complimentary to whatever is happening?

Perhaps Jesus was trying to make this very point when He said, "The first will be last and the last will be first ...."

Beautiful Things

In my lifetime, I have watched dreams die.
Things I prayed for did not come true. People have hurt me.
That is why this song speaks to me.
I have seen brokenness healed. I have experienced beauty from ashes.
I testify to you that God does make beautiful things out of dust.
May you be encouraged today; catch a glimmer of hope and hold it tightly.
God is at work.



“Beautiful Things”
All this pain I wonder if I’ll even find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

Readin'. Writin'. & Prayin'.

SO, the boy started kindergarten.

As a family, we decided we wanted to send him to a Christian School. There is a fantastic one very close to my office and the logistics all seem to work out. (There was a bit of a dramatic flare to the event, because he was registered, then we were told there was no room for him, then they called & had room for him two days after school officially started ...... but when is our life ever simple? Mmmmm) It has been an amazing, wonderful step for us. From the moment we walked into this school, we knew it was where we wanted to be. Even on the very first day, as tears spilled out of my eyes watching my big boy walk into the classroom, I felt such peace.

To say the boy LOVES it is an understatement. I pick him up in the afternoon and as he climbs in to the van he is rapidly discussing what he learned that day. His brain is being stretched and he is absolutely loving the experience. It is a fantastic adventure, one that we hope & pray will continue to be with him for his whole educational journey. We excitedly review the day's papers and he is actually disappointed when there is no homework sheet in his folder. And almost daily, the Poppa prays a blessing over the boy (& sister girl too) that he would "grow in widsom & in favor with God & man."

I am not alone in recognizing this is another milestone in the journey of motherhood. The emotion of it has taken me by surprise at times. I believed I was "super-woman" and would not be affected by this step. O.contrare. The transformation of my preschool son into a real, kindergarten, school boy has me scrambling for many a Kleenex. It hits me at various times, but most often as I watch him hop, jump & run out to meet me at the end of a day. His face & hands are usually grubby, his shirt disheveled and pulled out of his shorts, the grime and sweat making his unruly hair to spike up in various parts.

I look at him in that moment and I see it for what it really is.
A moment.
Such a beautiful one, but oh-so fleeting.
Five years feels like only a few days....

Recognizing the weight of this causes me to pray harder, more earnestly. And it feels like I am the one who is being taught. Learning to shape my life, my actions, my words after Jesus. Knowing that is only through His grace that I can be the mother my children need me to be.
Lord, help ME to "grow in wisdom & in favor" too.

And as Jesus grew older

He gained in both wisdom and stature,

and in favour with God and man.

Luke 2:52