Grace

Me & my shadow have a morningtime routine of sorts. We are both the first to get moving in the mornings. I wake up stumbling around, looking for my glasses and grumbling all the way to the kitchen to turn the coffee pot on.

She on the other hand, wakes up bright eye & bushy tailed. Ready for the day. Ready for adventure. Ready for hearty conversations. (She obviously gets that from her father. Sigh.)

We've worked out a bit of a morning dance. Once the coffee pot is perking, I'll stumble into the bathroom & turn on the shower. She follows me into the bathroom, dragging the ever-present blankie & usually some doll/animal/creature she is calling her baby. I grunt & humph around, while she jibber jabbers excitedly about this or that. As I step into the steaming shower, she is arranging a little nest on the floor, where she spends the next ten minutes singing songs or talking to me the whole time I am fully waking up.

I love this! I absolutely do. I know there will be a day when she won't want to follow me around 24/7. That she'll roll her eyes at even the suggestion that we should spend some time together. So for now, I enjoy these moments, capturing them in my heart & memory.
.....................

A few evenings ago, I was very grouchy. And tired. Exhausted really.
And did I mention grouchy?

It was the end of a long day. I hurried through supper & was rushing the evening time bath ritual. Sister girl was not ready to take a bath. She wanted to play. She wanted to run. She wanted to cuddle her doll/animal/creature. She was not ready to take a bath.

Being the absolute meanie mom that I am, I picked her up & carried her to the bathroom. She WAS going to take a bath. Right now. This.very.instance. BECAUSE I SAID SO.

Her normally happy mood changed. She did what unhappy 2 year olds do.
She screamed. She kicked. She cried. She stomped her feet.

My patience was gone. I was done. D.O.N.E.
So I applied all of my most awesome parenting skills & I threw a 38 year old momma fit.
GET IN THE BATH NOW.
DO NOT PASS GO.
DO NOT COLLECT $200.00.
DO NOT. DO NOT. DO NOT.
I AM IN CHARGE.
IF YOU DON'T BE QUIET, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!(Yes. I said it. The very phrase/words I hated from my childhood, they just errupted from someplace deep & dark & came out. I didn't just say it. I screamed it.)

Ashamedly, I'll confess, my fit throwing worked. (This time.)
She immediately hushed up, got into the bath. We rushed through the process & I put her into bed. Her compliance made me feel instantly contrite. I knew I had over-reacted. I was wrong. (Not wrong in saying that I was in charge. But very wrong in how I conveyed that I was in charge.)

Quietly I dressed her. Her blue eyes staring at me. As I laid her down, I knelt beside the bed & asked for her forgiveness. I apologized for yelling, for throwing a momma-fit. For loosing my cool & not being patient. Her little arms went around me & she gave me a wet, sloppy kiss.

Later as I closed my eyes for the night, my heart was heavy. I have so much to learn, to change, to improve on in this momma game. So.very.much. I've been here before. Whenever will I learn?


But the beautiful point I am trying to make is that the very next morning....

My little girl was happily playing on the shower rug as the warm steam filled the room. Giggling, singing, talking to me & her "baby." All of the unpleasantness from the evening before was erased.


Once again, my children are revealing so much about God to me.
I am blessed.

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him."

Lamentations 3:22-24